


If You're Only Dreaming (Why Do I Hear You Screaming?)

by Kirazalea



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Case Fic, Fear, Fluff and Humor, Friendship/Love, Gen, Ghosts, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, It's Not That Bad I Promise, M/M, Minor Injuries, honestly you can read this as slash or platonic it works either way, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 19:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19115914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirazalea/pseuds/Kirazalea
Summary: Shane is always taunting ghosts and demons. Besides Ryan freaking the fuck out, nothing ever happens.Well, not all ghosts respond so civilly to insults, and Shane isn't going to be the only one that has to pay the price when the ghosts finally take offense to his bullshit.“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we investigate the McCune Mansion in Salt Lake City, Utah as part of our ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real?”





	If You're Only Dreaming (Why Do I Hear You Screaming?)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Deal With It](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12817014) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 



> Title from Calling All the Monsters by China Anne McClain
> 
> Welcome to my first work in this fandom! Feel free to point out any errors. Leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed it and thank you so much for giving this a read! 
> 
> I wrote this at the prompting of the SHANE CULT gc on Twitter, so I guess this is dedicated to you assholes. Love y'all <3  
> Also thanks to @machokoolkat for being my beta and just generally assuring me that my writing isn't garbage, you're the best

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we investigate the McCune Mansion in Salt Lake City, Utah as part of our ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real?”

Shane looked into the camera and shook his head, as per usual. However, bullshit about ghosts and ghouls aside, Shane had really been looking forward to this house ever since Ryan had gotten it confirmed. This was the only home they were going sleeping in for the season and Shane far preferred them to the dusty old asylums Ryan had them frequent. He wasn’t afraid of spirits, but he sure prefered to sleep somewhere that didn’t have abandoned medical tools lying around.

Ryan continued on in what they had dubbed his “theory voice”, diving into the history of the house and its various owners. Shane noticed, however, that there had been no grisly murders as of yet. Normally those came fairly early on in the history.

“... Today, however, the house is used for occasions like wedding receptions-”

“Wait, what?” Shane sputtered. “Wh- so this place supposedly has ghosts and shit running around and people thought ‘hmm, you know what would make this better? Some cake.’”

Ryan’s laugh echoed throughout the room as he bent over slightly. “I mean, ghosts aside, the place is a pretty nice looking house and it’s got a good view of the city, so… I guess.”

“Well alright then,” Shane said incredulously, leaning back in his chair. Mirth still lined his face as Ryan got them back on track.

“ _Though it’s unclear why, the haunting in the house began soon after the McCunes moved out. Since then, the list of strange reports has continued to grow. Under the stairs is a room that was once used for music practice and although this is no longer its purpose, instrumental music is still heard coming from within. Two apparitions have been seen in the house: a man in a long, black, cape-like coat and a little girl who resembles one of the portraits that hangs in the house. The young girl has been seen walking in and out of a mirror in the west end of the mansion, and is often seen dancing and giggling during weddings.”_

“This ghost doesn’t sound so bad,” Shane said.

“No,” Ryan agreed, “I don’t think I’d mind running into her. She certainly seems nicer than most of the ghosts we try to talk to.”

“Well considering that most of the places we go are reportedly filled with the ghosts of murder victims and convicts, that’s not a high bar to leap over, Ryan.”

Shane laughed as the statement drew a wheeze out of his co-host. Shane’s favorite part of these trips was making Ryan laugh. He definitely enjoyed seeing his friend scared shitless as much as the next guy, but Shane would still take a heartfelt wheeze over a scream any day.

Ryan caught his breath again and cleared his throat before continuing his explanation.

 _“Another odd report involves phantom footsteps that begin and end in the center of rooms. There are also reports of items being moved about, furniture rearranged, lights turning on and off, and doors that unlock themselves, even after being secured for the night and double-checked. The identity of the house’s lingering spirits remains a mystery_.”

“So let me get this straight,” Shane said, Ryan looking over at him. “No one’s died in the house, and no one knows who the hell these ghosts are?”

“Pretty much,” Ryan stated. “There haven’t been any reports of violent deaths or anything, so no one’s really sure who the ghosts were.”

“They’re just generically spooky?” Shane mocked. “Mr. Black Cape and the Giggling Girl?”

This prompted another wheeze out of Ryan, but Shane was still hung up on the cheesiness of the haunting.

“Look man, that’s what people have said, I’m just the messenger here,” Ryan said, eyes still squinted into a laugh. “Maybe you can ask the ghosts who they are later tonight.”

“Oh, they’ll be hearing a mouthful from me,” Shane muttered.

“Well, let’s get to the exploring then, shall we?” Ryan asked, looking behind the camera to the rest of the crew.

“Sounds good,” Devon agreed. With that, everyone was in motion.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” Shane said, clapping his hands together.

 

*******

 

As they entered the last room, Shane saw Ryan shiver.

“You cold, man?” Shane asked, forcing down a laugh as to not mock his friend too much.

“You’re seriously telling me you don’t feel that?” Ryan complained, shifting uncomfortably.

“I’m going to go ahead and say _no_ ,” Shane replied, raising an eyebrow.

“It just feels… weird in here,” Ryan admitted, eyes darting around the room, catching every shadow the flashlight cast.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Shane dismissed, double-checking the settings on his GoPro. “Besides, you’re about to go into another room for the solo session anyways.”

Ryan didn’t look fully convinced, but nodded and relaxed a bit. Shane took this as a victory and gave the thumbs up to the crew. Mark ensured the camera was in position and nodded to the others behind him. As TJ gave the thumbs up back, Ryan began speaking again.

“For our solo investigations, we’ll be spending five minutes in a room under the stairs that, while the mansion was being used as a school of music, was turned into a practice room. There have been reports of people being able to hear music coming from the room, but when they entered, there was no one there.”

“I could go for some serenading,” Shane put in, leaning against the stairs.

“Actually, all of the witnesses have said that it was instrumental music,” Ryan corrected him, a hint of a smile crossing his face.

“What, so the ghosts won’t sing for me?” Shane cried out in mock-outrage. “What are they, cowards?”

“Fuck, Shane,” Ryan wheezed out, “why do you always insult the ghosts you’re about to spend the night with?”

“Gotta keep ‘em on their toes,” Shane replied lightly. “Things would be boring without me, I’m just giving them some variety in their lives.” He stopped for a moment. “Afterlives?” he questioned.

Shrugging, Shane moved forward and opened the door to the room. “Whatever, see you in five minutes!” he called back, catching a quick glimpse of Ryan shaking his head and hearing a quiet, “He’s a madman,” before the door closed.

A small smile graced his features as Shane walked into the room and looked around. It wasn’t anything special, but was a bit bigger than he had expected.

“Hiya ghouls,” he called out. “I heard you like to play music.”

After a few moments of silence, Shane continued. “My friend says you don’t sing for people, but I bet you sound lovely. Wanna sing a little song, maybe do a little jig for me?”

He moved further into the room as he spoke, taking a seat in one of the chairs placed in the middle. After settling down, he waited a few more seconds in the silence.

“I think you’re a fucking wimp,” Shane claimed, raising his voice slightly. “Scared of a little audience, huh?”

Again, there was no answer.

Shane was shocked, truly.

“Alright, I’m gonna be quiet now,” he called out, a smirking a little. “I’m just going to sit here, so if you want to - oh, I don’t know- make me shiver, throw me around, maybe scratch my back up… Well, now would be the time for it. So please, do try to hurt me, it would make my friend’s night.” He got more comfortable in the chair, waiting. The rest of the five minutes passed in silence, not even a creak permeating the quiet of the room.

When the five minutes had ended, he heard a knock on the door and Ryan’s voice faintly telling him that the time was up. As he stood from the chair, Shane left one final goodbye.

“Well, it was a pleasure, truly, let’s do this again sometime.”

As he opened the door, he felt a breeze rustle his clothes.

“Oh you’re gonna love it in there, Ryan.”

*******

 

Shane slid further into his sleeping bag as Ryan shifted around, setting up his own area. The crew had packed up for the night and headed back to the hotel after Ryan’s solo session, leaving the two of them to spend the night in the house. They had set up in the room people claimed to hear footsteps in. The hardwood wasn’t great on his back, but Shane had definitely slept on worse floors; he could make do for the night.

To his left, Shane heard Ryan sigh. He looked over to see his best friend staring vacantly down one of the hallways. “You okay there buddy?”

“How are you not even the slightest bit worried?” Ryan asked, turning his gaze on Shane. “I know you don’t believe in any of this, but do you seriously not feel anything? Not even the slightest bit of nerves?”

Shane hummed, pretending to think for a minute. “Nope. Cause ghosts don’t exist, and even if they did, these ones are fucking losers.”

Ryan groaned at the answer and Shane let out a small laugh.

“Fuck man… You’d think I’d be braver after all this time, but nope, I’m still terrified of every creak and rush of wind I hear,” Ryan mumbled out, rubbing his face tiredly.

“Look,” Shane said, pushing himself up to be at eye level with Ryan, “you’re the brave one out of the two of us, Ry.”

Ryan scoffed, but Shane continued before he could say anything.

“Seriously, man. You’re right, I don’t think there’s anything here, so to me, I’m just consigning myself to a few hours of crappy sleep on a hard floor. But you? You’re looking your fears in the eye and saying ‘fuck off, this is my house now.’”

Ryan let out a quiet laugh at the words, and Shane’s smile grew. “Well,” Shane continued, “that confidence usually doesn’t come until the sun’s already up and you’re on your way out the door, but it’s the thought that counts.”

Ryan’s laugh grew louder and Shane huffed out a small laugh of his own. _This_ was why he was here. Not for the fame or the time off work (though both were very much appreciated). His _real_ job, the real reason he agreed to do the show, was to calm Ryan down, to make sure his fear didn’t get the best of him. Ryan really was one of the strongest people Shane knew, both physically and mentally, but everyone needed a bit of help at one point or another. Shane was perfectly content to put on a show of bravado and mock the air if it made Ryan forget his fears for a moment. Plus, it was nice to be able to insult something so thoroughly without having to worry about getting his ass kicked.

Ryan still looked a little wary, but his eyes were brighter than they had been before their conversation. “Thanks man,” he said quietly. Shane hummed in response as he shifted back down into his bag. He heard Ryan sigh again before he too slid between the fabric.

His last thought before falling asleep was that he was sure they wouldn’t be including this in the episode.

 

*******

 

“Shane.”

Shane heard a faint voice, not sure if he was imagining it or not.

“ _Shane_.”

Again, this time sounding almost… panicked? Afraid?

“ _Fuck_ , Shane, please get up.”

Ryan. That was Ryan’s voice.

Shane let out a small groan, in between unconsciousness and waking up. “What?”

“Shane, I heard something, it’s fucking _freezing_ and _I_ **_heard_ ** _something_.” Ryan’s voice shook as he spoke. A light turned on in front of Shane’s still closed eyes, causing him to let out a yelp and flinch away from the sudden brightness.

He heard Ryan sit up fully and sighed. Resigning himself to losing sleep, he opened his eyes to see Ryan’s face a shade or two paler than it normally was. “What’d you hear?” he mumbled, still trying to fully wake up.

“I heard fucking footsteps Shane, I swear on my life.”

Shane quietly groaned again as Ryan shivered and swung the flashlight around.

“I’m being serious dude, just listen!” Ryan whispered hoarsely.

Shane sat up obligingly and listened as Ryan held his breath.

There, in the distance… Shane could almost make out… thuds?

“It’s windy outside, I’m sure something’s just thumping into the house Ryan,” Shane said with a frown, listening to the faint noises draw slightly nearer.

“Then why is it getting closer?” Ryan asked quietly. Shane could hear how tense the other had become, how much this was getting to him.

Shane turned around and reached over to his bag to grab his own flashlight.

Except his bag wasn’t where he left it.

He squinted, looking around in the dim light given off by Ryan’s flashlight and saw it, a foot or two further than he remembered it being when he fell asleep. Shane frowned, but reached out and grabbed it, pulling his own flashlight out. When he clicked it, however, nothing happened.

Ryan heard the clicking and looked over. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispered when Shane’s light still refused to turn on.

“Relax, I’m sure the battery just ran out,” Shane said consolingly. “It not like it hasn’t happened before.”

“You’re not even the slightest bit afraid right now?” Ryan asked incredulously, his wide eyes turning toward Shane in the darkness.

Shane felt his chest tighten at the amount of _raw_ _fear_ in those eyes. The last time Shane remembered seeing Ryan so utterly terrified was at the Sallie House, when they first started this.

“Of course not,” Shane scoffed, putting his doubts to the side. “And I’ll prove it.”

He got out of his sleeping bag, and pulled his shoes on as Ryan sputtered beside him.

“You’re not seriously going down there, are you?” he asked.

“Sure am. Might need to borrow your flashlight so I don’t trip and die, though,” Shane replied, shooting his friend an easy grin as he stood up.

Ryan stared up at Shane with poorly concealed confusion, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening, but he handed over the flashlight without a word. Shane would take the confusion if it meant he didn’t have to see that all consuming fear again, though.

Shane felt a tinge of regret about leaving Ryan in the dark as he walked away, but he really did need to be able to see where he was going, and hopefully he’d be back before too long. He turned the corner and started down the hall, fully cutting himself off from Ryan.

He wasn’t afraid that there was a ghost down here, but something had definitely made that noise. What if there was a squatter? No, there was security before they started filming and the building rep had locked the place up when the rest of the crew left, no one could get in from the outside without setting off alarms. What if it was an animal? A stray dog maybe? Fuck, what if there was a _bear_? Ryan would shit himself more at that than if there actually _was_ a ghost. Shit, did they even _have_ bears in Utah? Shane didn’t exactly look up the local wildlife before this shoot, but they were near the city, there wasn’t a forest nearby, _surely_ there couldn’t be a bear in here? No, it was probably just a dog, or a raccoon or something.

But unless it was one heavy dog, they wouldn’t have been able to hear the footsteps like that from so far away.

And neither of those animals walked on two feet anyways.

Fuck.

It wasn’t a ghost, but Shane had absolutely no idea what was making that noise and he was getting legitimately worried about it. He was just glad he didn’t have the camera with him to record his slowly mounting fear. Ryan would never let him live it down.

As he turned down another corridor, the thumps sounded again, clearer than they were before.

 _Shit_ , they sounded a hell of a lot like footsteps.

Shane thought about staying as quiet as he could, but if there really was someone else in here, they probably would’ve seen the light already. Cursing under his breath, Shane crept closer to the only open door and flung around the corner, kicking the door fully open in front of him.

His heart felt like it had stopped beating in his chest as he saw the outline of a figure facing away from him. The air seemed to freeze around him, clawing at his exposed skin as he shivered, too shocked to even think about moving away. Before Shane could draw breath back into his frozen lungs, the figure turned to face him.

It was paler than anyone he had ever seen, skin almost a light blue in the cold moonlight that shone between the curtains that Shane was almost positive had been closed by the janitors earlier in the night. The harsh glow of the flashlight cast deep shadows on its gaunt face. If he had seen this man in a horror movie, Shane would’ve laughed at how predictable it was. A pale, skeletal figure dressed in an old-timey black suit with a matching top hat and cloak.

Except this wasn’t a movie.

And Shane sure as hell wasn’t laughing.

The being in front of him had turned to half face Shane. His chest constricted further at the sight of its dead, hateful eyes locking onto his. Then, with a cruel smirk, the figure was gone. No flash, no puff of smoke, not even the blink of an eye; it was just… gone.

Wind from the closed window ruffled the curtains, softly flinging them further into the room.

Shane couldn’t breathe. That _couldn’t_ have been right, Shane was just dreaming. He was still asleep, he was having a nightmare and Ryan would be shaking him awake any minute now to laugh at him. Ryan never slept at these things anyways, too afraid to close his eyes; he’d get a kick out of Shane being the terrified one for once.

But Ryan was still in the other room. Shane was far too cold to still be asleep, Ryan was still in the other room, and he _fucking left Ryan alone in the dark_.

Shane heard a scream pierce the air behind him.

Without thinking, he ran.

He sprinted down the halls, taking each corner as sharply as he could, slamming into the wall in his rush to get back to the main room. He heard another terrified scream and a thud as he turned the final corner separating him from his best friend.

“Ryan!” he yelled.

The chairs that had lined the wall had been violently thrown across the room. Some of them lay in shattered pieces on the ground. The sleeping bags and their packs had been torn up and tossed to the side. As Shane ran forward, he saw Ryan standing to his right, wide eyes glued to the furthest corner of the room. He flinched at the sound of Shane’s voice and turned quickly to face him. As their eyes met and Ryan’s mouth opened to speak, Shane saw the ghostly figure appear behind his friend. Before Shane’s foot could touch the ground again, Ryan was being flung into the wall behind him.

_“RYAN!”_

A pained groan left Ryan’s lips as he landed on the floor, face down. Shane’s blood ran cold when the other didn’t move, he couldn’t think anything but _no, no, no,_ **_no._ **

Just before he could get to Ryan, the temperature dropped again and several loud rips filled the air. Shane thought he would pass out when he heard the agonized, piercing shout that tore its way out of Ryan’s throat immediately after. As he slid to the ground next to him, Shane could see the four parallel lines that had been dragged across his friend’s back. Even through the shadows cast by the flashlight, Shane could see the blood that was rushing to the surface underneath the shredded jacket.

Another breeze cut straight through Shane’s jacket as he knelt there and fear gripped his throat as he looked up to see the figure looming over them. Shane’s grip on Ryan tightened. A sick grin stretched across the being’s face as it slowly melted into the shadows behind it. The second it was gone, Shane turned back to his friend, hearing the pained moans the other was making.

“Ryan,” Shane pleaded, voice hoarse from his earlier screams.

A whimper was Ryan’s response as he turned his head toward Shane’s voice.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Shane said numbly. He took his jacket off and pressed it against the wounds. Shane felt horrible when he heard Ryan’s sharp intake of breath, but he kept pressure on the wounds.

The cold became less oppressive as they laid there, and soon it felt like any other room Shane had been in. As fear loosened its tight grip on him and some of the tension slid off his shoulders, Shane gathered the courage to look around. The flashlight had rolled to illuminate more of the room behind him and Shane saw the same scene from before, ruined furniture and all. He saw his pack tipped over a couple feet away from him on the ground, some of the content spilling out. A glint of metal caught his as he looked through the items: the keys to their rental.

Shane reached over and quickly grabbed them off the ground, thankful for his long arms being able to reach them without having to move. He leaned back toward Ryan and tentatively lifted the jacket to get a better look at the wounds beneath. Shane let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he saw that the bleeding had almost completely stopped. Ryan let out a shaky breath and turned his head to look up at Shane when he felt the jacket on his back again.

Shane could’ve cried at the tears he saw in Ryan’s eyes. But he couldn’t blame the other man for them.

“Shane?” Ryan’s voice was weak and filled with pain, and hell, Shane couldn’t blame him for that either.

“I’m right here, buddy,” he said, his hand raising to brush back Ryan’s dark hair. Shane made sure his voice was as calm and soothing as he could make it.

“Is this the wrong time to say I told you so?”

Shane really did cry at that. He laughed as he bent over, too tired to hold himself up any longer. As he laid his head next to Ryan’s on the ground, he felt the tears slipping down his nose to drop onto the floor. “Yeah,” Shane choked out. “Yeah, this might not be the best time, Ry.”

As he lifted his head back up, Shane saw a small smile breaking through the hurt etched onto Ryan’s face. As he stared into his best friend’s eyes, Shane’s smile weakened a little. “Do you think you can move? I can’t imagine it’s a good idea to stay here.”

Ryan’s face fell as he thought about it. “I don’t think I can move on my own, but I should be okay if you could help me.”

Swallowing, Shane nodded. He stood and crouched down next to the other man. He tried to ignore the groans that fell from Ryan’s lips as Shane helped him stand up, but each pained sound felt like a dagger being twisted into his chest.

Looking forward, Shane tightened his grip on Ryan. “You ready?” he asked, gaze shifting down to the shorter man.

“Ready to be out of this fucking mansion already,” Ryan griped, face drawn tight.

“Yeah,” Shane murmured. He was ready to burn this place to the ground, but he’d settle for getting Ryan out for now.

As they started across the ground toward the door, Shane spared a glance at their camera, still pointing dutifully at where they had lain sleeping. He couldn’t find it within himself to give a single fuck about it.

 

*******

 

Ryan’s soft snores filled the air between them as Shane stared at the ceiling.

After he had gotten them to the car, he had helped Ryan into the backseat and drove them back to the hotel, thankfully only a few minutes away. It was far too early in the morning by the time they got back, so no one had been around to look twice at Shane stumbling in with Ryan’s arm over his shoulder. The bored looking employee at the front desk had glanced up once, Shane had mouthed “drunk,” and that was that.

After getting back to their room, Shane had helped Ryan to his bed and pulled out a first aid kit. Ryan always packed one but they generally didn’t bring it with to the locations. That was another thing that tonight had changed for Shane. He wasn’t ever going to another location without taking a hospital’s worth of supplies.

He cut Ryan’s shirt and jacket off, quietly apologizing the whole time, and began cleaning the blood off. After he got past the dried layer, Shane was beyond relieved to see that the cuts themselves were fairly shallow, though the sight of the angry red lines on his friend’s back did made Shane feel a little lightheaded. There was still a bit of bleeding, but Shane was confident that they wouldn’t need stitches. He cleaned out the wounds, feeling a sharp pain in his gut every time Ryan winced in pain. He bandaged Ryan’s torso with gauze and grabbed some Ryan’s shorts from his bag. Shane gathered the ruined clothing and bloody wipes and threw them into a bag in the other room while Ryan changed. By the time he was done and came back out, Ryan had looked to be on the verge of falling asleep sitting up, as if the act of changing his clothes had sapped out all his remaining strength.

Shane had used the extra pillows to prop Ryan up so that there wouldn’t be too much risk of him rolling onto his back in the middle of the night. When he had finished, he looked down to see that Ryan’s eyes had already closed and his breathing had evened out.

Shane finished getting ready for bed himself, cleaning everything up as quietly as he could. He pulled his phone out, texting TJ to let him know that something had come up, they’d had to go back to the hotel, and he’d let him know more in the morning when they had a chance to get some rest and he wasn’t five seconds away from passing out.

After that, Shane had plugged in both of their phones with their spare chargers and lowered himself onto the mattress. He tried to sleep, but it just wasn’t coming to him. If he laid on one side, he would be staring at Ryan, asleep in the other bed. He’d see the stark white bandaged that stood out against the other’s darker skin. If he laid on the other side, he’d see himself. Shane didn’t know whose idea it was to put a mirror on the wall next to the beds rather than by the bathroom, but he wasn’t their biggest fan. He couldn’t stand to see himself right now.

So he laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling.

He was so tired; he wanted to sleep, but all he could think about was what just happened. His heart jumped at every shadow that moved outside their window, convinced that they weren’t safe. Was this how Ryan always felt when they stayed overnight? Fuck, no wonder the guy never got any sleep. Now Shane felt like a dick for being able to sleep through the night while Ryan had always lain awake, afraid and alone.

Shane didn’t know how he would ever be able to leave Ryan alone again.

But Shane didn’t know if Ryan would even _want_ him to be around after this.

How could he, when Shane was to blame for what had happened to him?

Every time he closed his eyes, Shane saw that fucking music closet, the empty room with the ghost, the _ballroom_. He heard his own words, echoing over and over again in his head while Ryan screamed in fear and pain.

_Make me shiver…_

It had been freezing when he woke up. Ryan hadn’t been wearing his jacket yet, he’d been shaking and he’d looked so, _so_ afraid.

_Throw me around…_

Ryan’s eyes had been so _wide_ as he’d flown backwards. There had been a sickening thud Shane never wanted to hear again when he’d made contact with the wall, a weaker one following as he fell to the floor, unmoving.

_Maybe scratch my back up…_

_Fuck_ , Shane thought, as his hands came up to press against his burning eyes. He bit back a sob, tears falling down the sides of his face. He always made fun of the ghosts when they went places, they weren’t real! It had been _years_ now and nothing had ever happened! He’d practically _begged_ them to throw him against the ceiling, to take his soul, _to rip his heart out_ , and not a _single thing_ ever _fucking_ happened! Why was it that the one time a ghost decided to show itself, _Shane_ wasn’t the one to suffer? Why the everloving _fuck_ did Ryan have to bear the consequences of Shane’s words? _Ryan_ was the respectful one that didn’t yell at them unless Shane goaded him into it. So why the hell couldn’t that ghost have just thrown Shane out of a window for being a dick and called it a day?

But no. Instead it had gone after _Ryan_.

Ryan, who was terrified the whole time.

Ryan, who hadn’t _really_ wanted to see a ghost in the first place, let alone like _that._

Ryan, who Shane had left sitting in the dark.

Ryan, who Shane had abandoned.

Ryan, who was now hurt because Shane had made all the wrong decisions.

Shane didn’t know how he was ever going to be able to look him in the eye again. His head was swimming, he couldn’t stop thinking, couldn’t stop berating himself.

 _Your fault, how could you_ do _this to him, what the fuck is wrong with you, it should’ve been you, worthless, you hurt him, how could you hurt him, why should he care about someone like you, what’s he going to say when you tell him, he’ll hate you, he_ should _hate you,_ **_he hates you-_ **

He doesn’t get any more sleep that night. Not that he deserved it, anyways. Ryan had always been the one to stay up through the night, afraid of what was to come.

Now it was Shane’s turn.

 

*******

 

Ryan woke to an ache in his back. For a minute, he couldn’t remember what happened. He laid there, breathing through the dull pain. He thought the ache was from spending the night on the ground with next to no support. But that couldn’t be right, the ground wasn’t this soft and it’d sure as hell never made him feel like _this_ in the morning.

Then it came back to him and he stopped breathing.

Holy _shit._

That had to have been a dream, right? Surely he didn’t get thrown into a wall by a _ghost?_ No matter how much he believed that they exist, that kind of thing didn’t just _happen._

Ryan sat there, trying to make sense of what his mind and body were telling him. He had almost convinced himself that it was all just a shitty dream (Shane would be so proud of him), but then he looked down at his chest and saw the bandages covering nearly every inch of exposed skin.

Well. There go any hopes of it being a nightmare.

He slowly sat up, hand drifting to his side. Feeling a slight weight at his back, Ryan looked behind him to see a wall of pillows. A soft smile curved his mouth upwards. _He_ definitely didn’t do that, so that left him with only one other possible culprit.

Speaking of said culprit, Ryan looked around the room trying to find him. When he didn’t see the giant of a human immediately, Ryan frowned, worry making his heart beat a little faster. A glint of white on the nightstand caught his eye before he could fully panic, however. Leaning closer, Ryan picked up the note.

 

_Ryan,_

_Made a breakfast run, be back soon_

__\- Sasquatch_ _

 

Ryan laughed at the signature on the note. Shane always knew how to make him feel better, even when he wasn’t there.

Reassured that his best friend hadn’t died in the night, Ryan worked on getting himself out of bed without murdering his back. Fuck, of _all_ the ways he could have proved that ghosts were real, this was probably his least favorite, only slightly above actually dying.

He had succeeded in changing into pants and pulling on a button up shirt when Shane walked through the door. Ryan looked up, smile on his face and taunt on his tongue before he fully saw his best friend. The witty remark died on his lips before ever seeing the light of day.

Shane looked like shit, to put it delicately.

His eyes were red, he had the beginnings of some monstrous bags under his eyes, and his hair was tousled in a way that said _I haven’t slept in three days, please help._

Ryan didn’t know what to say to him. He was almost never speechless with Shane; there was always something to say, some joke to make or insult to throw out. But, for the first time since the very beginning of their friendship, Ryan had no idea what to say to the man in front of him.

Did he make a joke? ( _Somehow, it didn’t seem appropriate_ ). Did he ask if Shane was okay? ( _Obviously the answer was a resounding and emphatic_ no). Did he thank him for the food? ( _He didn’t want it to seem like he didn’t care about the other looking absolutely_ **_haunted_ **).

Shane stared back at him for a long moment before ducking his head. He shut the door and came further into the room, stopping by the small table at the end of the beds. He looked lost for a moment before he raised his head again in Ryan’s direction.

“I got Chipotle.”

Ryan didn’t laugh, but it was a damn close thing.

“Thank you,” he said instead, a small smile on his face.

Shane looked like Ryan had punched him in the gut. Ryan’s smile fell again.

“Shane?” he asked timidly. “Are you… Are you alright?”

Shane turned away from him, not giving an answer, but not before Ryan could see his eyes.

Shane could bullshit his way through almost anything, but Ryan had known him long enough to know where to look for the truth. His eyes would always give him away. And Ryan hadn’t seen that much fear in Shane’s eyes since-

Since last night, actually.

Ryan stood up carefully, trying not to groan in the process as his muscles shifted. Shane whipped around at the noise, a hand reached out as if to steady Ryan, but Shane dropped it back to his side before it could do anything. Ryan’s frown deepened at the action. Shane wasn’t the cuddliest guy in existence, but he’s never hesitated to touch Ryan like that before.

“What’s up Big Guy?” Ryan asked softly, taking a step closer.

Shane wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Nothing,” he finally said, “just tired and hungry.” He said it like it was a joke, but it fell flat between them. Noticing this, Shane seemed to shrink into himself. Ryan, even hunched over and in mild pain, felt like he was looming over his best friend, something that was difficult given their height difference. Whatever was pulling Shane down was doing quite the effective job and Ryan hated it.

Ryan reached out to lay his hand on Shane’s arm, but Shane flinched away from him before they could connect. Ryan cowered back like he had been burned. “I’m- I’m sorry,” he stuttered out. _Stupid_ , he thought, _he’s not alright, look at him, what were you thinking?_

Shane took half a step back, falling into the open seat behind him. “No, I- it’s my fault, you didn’t do anything.” His hands came up to rub his eyes. He looked exhausted and defeated and Ryan couldn’t figure out _why_.

Ryan slowly walked to the other chair and took a seat, making sure not to lean too far back.

When Shane finally looked up again, Ryan could see that his eyes were wet. Ryan had only seen Shane cry a few times, and at least half of them were from laughter. He had no idea what to do, not the least because he had no idea what was wrong in the first place.

“It’s okay,” Ryan eventually said, face softening as he decided to just wing it. Shane had been there for him enough times, Ryan could figure out what to do here in return.

“It’s not,” Shane replied, almost too quiet to hear.

“Shane,” Ryan softly pleaded, “ _please_ , what’s wrong? I can’t help if I don’t know what’s happening, and I _want_ to help.”

Again, it seemed like Ryan had said the wrong thing. Shane’s eyes shut tightly, his face turned slightly away from Ryan.

“ _Shane_.” Ryan’s voice broke halfway through the name, eyes stinging with tears he refused to acknowledge. “Please, I don’t know what’s going on.”

Shane finally turned to him again. “It’s _my_ _fault_ ,” he choked out. “You’re sitting here trying to help me when it’s _my_ ** _fucking_** _fault_ that you got hurt.” The words seemed to cost him something as his head turned down, tears finally making tracks down his face.

Ryan felt like someone was gripping his throat from the inside as he stared at the man that meant more to him than anyone else. “Shane, there wasn’t anything you could’ve done. You got me out of there-”

“You don’t understand!” Shane spit the words out like they were poison, his face drawn together in anger. “I don’t mean that I should’ve stopped him, I mean that I’m the reason he came after you in the first place!”

“Wh- Shane, what the _hell_ are you talking about?”

Shane seemed to deflate again, looking like he regretted his outburst. He wouldn’t look up from the table as he continued in a quiet, tortured tone. “In my solo session, under the staircase, I-” He took a shaky breath in. “Ryan, I taunted it,” he said, like it was a confession. His words came out in a rush as if he had to get them all out now. “I called it a wimp, I told it to hurt me, to throw me into the wall, to gouge my _back_ , I-” he cut off, choking down a sob that he didn’t want to let out.

Ryan felt his heart beating faster. “Shane-”

Shane cut him off again, devastated. “I’m _so_ ** _sorry_** Ryan, I- I never thought you’d get hurt, I never meant to hurt you. It should’ve been me.”

Ryan tried to imagine it, _Shane_ being tossed around like a rag doll, _Shane_ screaming out in pain. He jerked his mind violently away from the image. “Shane, _no_ ,” he plead, horrified. “You couldn’t have known, and I would never want you to get hurt.”

“It doesn’t _matter_ , Ryan, you got hurt because I couldn’t keep my fucking mouth shut! _I_ was the one that was being a dumbass, _I_ should’ve been the one to get hurt!”

“Shane!” Ryan begged. Shane’s head snapped up, his mouth shutting immediately. His eyes were filled with tears. It was almost _painful_ to look into them, but he pushed through. Shane was suffering, probably had been all night, and Ryan was going to put a stop to it.

“Shane,” he repeated gently. He reached out and grabbed the other’s hand. “Look at me, please.” Shane lifted his eyes from their hands haltingly. Ryan let a soft smile lift his lips. He held Shane’s gaze for a minute, not saying anything, letting his eyes do the talking. He wanted so much for Shane to see the love and care and _adoration_ Ryan held for him. “I don’t blame you,” he finally stated.

Shane looked like he wanted to say something, but Ryan silenced him with a look. “ _No_. I _don’t_ _blame you_ Shane. Because it wasn’t your fault. Sure, maybe you provoked the ghost. Maybe you said some things that it might’ve been smarter _not_ to say,” he continued, smirking slightly, “but you couldn’t have known what would happen. You do this everywhere we go and nothing’s ever happened. You had every right to believe that nothing would happen this time. There’s nothing you could say to me, now or ever, to make me blame you for this, I _promise_.” Tears still made Shane’s eyes glisten, but Ryan thought they were there for a different reason this time.

“Besides,” Ryan continued, “it’s really not that bad. Yeah, it hurts a bit and I’m definitely glad that that was the last episode of the season, ‘cause I’m sure as _hell_ not going into another haunted house for at _least_ a week, but as long as I stay away from the gym for a week or two I’m sure I’ll be okay.”

Shane let out a slightly wet laugh at that. “That’s gotta be purgatory for you, not working out every chance you get.”

Ryan joined Shane in laughing, shoving him slightly with their still connected hands. “Shut up, just ‘cause I look better than you. And I _do_ have other hobbies, I’ll have you know.”

“Oh I don’t know about that,” Shane commented with a small smile as he wiped the remaining moisture away from his eyes.

“Don’t make me eat your burrito,” Ryan threatened.

Shane let out a high pitched gasp, pulling the bag closer to him. “You wouldn’t!”

“I think we both know damn well that I would Shane.”

“Yeah that’s fair. But you can’t eat mine if it’s already in my mouth,” he countered, grabbing a burrito and shoving a huge bite into his mouth.

Ryan wheezed at the way Shane’s cheeks bulged out as he grabbed his own burrito. “Was it really worth it?” he asked, fondness plain in his voice.

Shane’s reply was probably something witty, but with the food in his mouth, Ryan couldn’t make out a single word of it. He still laughed at the sight of Shane trying, though. Ryan was absolutely terrified of all the shit that went bump in the night, but he’d gladly get thrown into the wall by a dozen demons if it meant that he could keep the man sitting across from him right where he was.

**Author's Note:**

> The McCune Mansion is a real place, so some of the dialogue describing the mansion at the very beginning was taken verbatim from a couple of sites. Here are the links if you want more info:  
> https://www.americanhauntingsink.com/other  
> https://www.deseretnews.com/top/1959/0/Believe-it-or-not-10-haunted-places-in-Salt-Lake-City.html 
> 
> Tumblr - https://incorrect-bfu.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter - https://twitter.com/Kirazalea


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